Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
