OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize