OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
