I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
