2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
