Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
