Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
