Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
