Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
