Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
