while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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