I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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