so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Randomize
