Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
