I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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