So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
please come you make the beer taste better
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
