Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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