this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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