so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
