My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
