it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
