I can tuck mytits in my pants
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
