Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize