South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
