I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
