well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
