got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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