I'm laying in your front yard are you home
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize