Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
