You work out of a Hotel?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
