Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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