Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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