a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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