I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize