This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize