wakey wakey hands off snakey
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
