Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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