It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
