He disabled his match.com account in front of me
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
there is another microwave in the elevator.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
