i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
