WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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