Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
