i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
