Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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