I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
