The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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