drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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