So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Nicole vs. Life
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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