Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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