no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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