You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I touched a dick in church today
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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