I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
