if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
