Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
