bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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