Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
