My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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