dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
