eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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