Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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