I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
