so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
