The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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