I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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