I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
