ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
