WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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