"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
