In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
