My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
