new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
