Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
