so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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